


but the truth remains you're gone

by coldwinterrose



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Goodbyes, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Moving On, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Steve Rogers Dies, Written before Avengers: Endgame, off screen character death, post-Avengers: Endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 17:19:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17187131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldwinterrose/pseuds/coldwinterrose
Summary: The last thing Bucky saw before everything faded to nothing was Steve. Now he's back, but Steve isn't.





	but the truth remains you're gone

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [但事实是，你离我而去](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17256791) by [NaruseRyo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaruseRyo/pseuds/NaruseRyo)



> Before you read: yes, Steve dies. No, there is no magical last second _surprise Steve isn't really dead_ ending. Not that I'm against endings like that, but this isn't that story. This is about learning how to keep living when you've lost someone you love. 
> 
> Also, this was written after the first trailer for Endgame came out, so everything that happens is purely my own speculation of how the events in Endgame will go. 
> 
> Keeping this in mind, if you do decide to read this, thank you and I hope you enjoy.
> 
> On a more lighthearted note: the title for this comes from an *NSYNC song of all things. I was listening to Spotify's Throwback Thursday playlist as I started to write this, and when the song [Gone](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iROMJXxspg4) came on, I heard the lyrics and I knew I'd found my title, which I'd been struggling to figure out.
> 
> I'd like to give massive thanks to my three beta readers for this: [Pineau_noir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pineau_noir/pseuds/Pineau_noir), [mortenavida](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mortenavida/pseuds/mortenavida), and [lecroixss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lecroixss/pseuds/lecroixss) (who took time from her vacation to beta read some of this so massive thanks for that as well!). Y'all helped shape this story into something much, much better than I could have done on my own, I'm so grateful for your help! <3

For far too long, he felt nothing. If not for the ability to form thought, he wouldn’t have been sure of his existence, until, in a blink, he feels solid ground at his feet and fresh air on his skin. The sudden feeling of sensation almost overwhelms him and he takes a second to savor the feeling of just _being_. Then, he opens his eyes and realizes where he is. He’s back on the battlefield in Wakanda. Fear grips him as his last memories of standing here come back to him. He’d been calling for Steve, reaching out for him. Only now, Steve isn’t here. No one is, not even the weird creatures they’d been fighting.

He hears a rustle from the trees and reaches for a gun he no longer has. Thankfully, it’s only Sam, wearing the same confused look he must have on his own face. “Where did everyone go? And why is it dark?”

Bucky shakes his head. “No idea. What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Being on the ground, and I think Rhodey was calling for me? I don’t know, it’s kind of a blur. What about you?”

“Steve. I remember feeling strange and turning to Steve. That’s it.”

“We should try to look for the others, see if anyone else was affected by… whatever it was that just happened.”

“Good idea.”

They start walking, coming across a few Wakadan soldiers looking around, trying to get their bearings. So far, Bucky hasn’t seen any of the alien enemies, but he still feels on edge. 

Sam lets out a noise and runs ahead. Bucky, already on guard, prepares for an attack, only to see Wanda crouched on the ground. Sam gets to her first and starts assessing her for injuries.

“I’m fine, Sam,” she says, shaking him off.

“You don’t sound fine,” he counters. 

“Viz— Vision. He was here. Right here. I killed him, then Thanos… he…. Where’s Vision?”

“I don’t know Wanda, but we need to keep moving. We need to figure out what happened.”

“I know what happened,” she says. “Thanos won. He did what he set out to do. We were the casualties.”

“Then how are we here now?” Bucky asks. He tries to be gentle about it, but he needs answers. They all do.

She just shakes her head. “I don’t know.”

Sam helps her to stand. “Okay, that’s fine. Maybe we can find someone who does know.”

She nods and, after a few stumbling steps, is able to walk on her own.

They walk for a few more minutes before they come across another very familiar face.

“T’Challa,” Bucky calls, walking over to where he’s gathered with a few of his warriors.

“Bucky, Sam, Wanda.”

“Your Highness,” Sam greets. “Have you found any of the others?”

He shakes his head. “No, other than some of the warriors from the border tribes and the Dora Milaje, I’ve seen no one else until now.”

There’s a gnawing dread growing in Bucky. Where is Steve? Where is Natalia? 

One of the warriors gives a startled shout, causing them all to turn, only to see a tree walk toward them. “I am Groot,” they say as they hold their… limbs, Bucky supposes, up in the air.

“Wait,” Bucky calls. “I know them. I saw them with the talking raccoon; they’re with us.”

The others relax, taking Bucky’s word. The tree, Groot, Bucky supposes, puts their limbs down and joins the others. “I am Groot?”

“Is that all you can say?” Sam asks.

“I am Groot. I am Groot?”

“Ummm, do any of you have any idea what… _Groot_ is saying?”

“I’m afraid I don’t; I’m sorry,” T’Challa answers.

“I am Groot,” Groot suddenly exclaims and points at the sky. They look up and see a spaceship set to land in the clearing. 

T’Challa calls something in Xhosa and his warriors all come to attention. Sam and Wanda also turn their attention to the incoming vessel, with Wanda’s hand starting to glow red. Bucky may not have a weapon, other than his arm, but having her here makes him feel a little better.

The ship lands, softly and eerily quiet. The tension in their little group is high as the doors slide open, only for it to relax as the very welcome faces of Natalia and Clint, along with the familiar faces of most of the other Avengers. There are quite a few unfamiliar faces as well, both human and alien. And, very oddly, a familiar raccoon.

“Groot!” He runs toward the tree. “You’re here! It worked.”

“I am Groot!” The tree walks to the raccoon and scoops him up.

“Buddy, I’m never letting you out of my sight again.”

“I am Groot.”

“Well, that’s certainly a touching reunion,” says a voice he hasn’t heard since a cold bunker in Siberia. Bucky’s blood runs cold. He’d never expected to see Tony Stark again. He feared it, as much as he hates to admit it. There is so much pain and anger on both sides.

Stark, though, doesn’t seem angry. Quite the opposite— when he glances Bucky’s way, there is a look of… pity? Sorrow? He’s not quite sure, but it only makes the feeling of dread grow. 

“Nat!” Sam calls, running over to greet her. She appears to be a little bruised, but otherwise unharmed. “What’s going on?”

She gives him a tired smile. “We won.”

“Natalia? Where’s Steve?”

“James. I— let’s get back to the palace. I’ll explain there.”

“Natalia?”

“James. Please.”

Despite desperately wanting to know what happened, where Steve is, he acquiesces. It’s clear she’s in no state to tell him much of anything at the moment.

He’s so distracted that he doesn’t notice a group of transports approach. Among the welcoming party is the princess of Wakanda, who launches herself at her brother, holding him in a tight embrace. Steve isn’t with them either. 

He boards one of the transports and as he sits, Wanda joins him in the seat next to him. To his surprise, she grabs his hand to give it a quick squeeze. He glances over to see her looking at him with sad understanding, as if she knows what he’s thinking. That Steve is gone. He gives a quick nod and she lets go but otherwise stays next to him— a quiet, calm presence. 

The next hour is a blur of reunions and introductions. Apparently, the aliens call themselves _The Guardians of the Galaxy_. It takes everything in Bucky not to ask where they were when the galaxy was falling apart before. He knows that will get them nowhere, and right now he has a more pressing question that needs answering.

“Where is Steve?”

Everyone goes silent. 

“James… Bucky. Steve....” Natalia starts, but can’t seem to say anything past that.

“Steve saved us all,” a man who, for a mad second, Bucky thinks almost looks like Steve, says. “But at a great cost.”

“What cost?”

“Himself,” Stark answers. Blunt and to the point. If he didn’t half hate and half fear the man, he’d appreciate it. As it is, he’s the last person he wants to hear this from.

“What…,” He clears his throat, not wanting to ask but _needing_ to know. “What did Steve do?”

“There was only one way to reverse what Thanos did,” Natalia says. “We’d hoped killing him would undo what the damage he’d caused. When that didn’t work, we realized there was only one way. But to use the gauntlet comes at a high cost. Steve… well, you know Steve. He was willing to pay it if it meant everyone else would be safe.”

“And his body?”

Natalia shakes her head. “Gone. Disintegrated when he used the gauntlet.”

Bucky closes his eyes. Part of him knew, but he’s was hoping against all hope he was, for once, wrong. That the universe wouldn’t really be that cruel.

“Thank you for telling me,” he manages to say before walking out, wanting nothing more than to be alone.

 

* * *

 

He wanders for hours, no real destination in mind. All he knows is he needs to be as far from anyone else as possible. 

Finally, he finds himself standing outside the door to Steve’s rooms in the palace. He opens the doors, praying there will be some sign Steve has been here— some trace, like the scent of his shampoo or maybe a recently worn sweater. Anything to remind him Steve had, at some point, existed. That he isn’t another figment of his imagination, or that this isn’t another form of cruel torture. 

Not even the pillows hold any refuge, smelling only like the detergent used to wash the linens. Steve likely hadn’t stayed here in a long time. Probably since before the attack by Thanos. Still, no force in the universe could get him to move from this spot. Steve had, at one point, lain here. So Bucky will, too.

Hours, or maybe seconds, later a knock sounds at the door. Bucky ignores it, hoping that whoever is on the other side will go away. But the door opens and Wanda, the last person he expects to see, comes in.

“I’m sorry to bother you. I know you probably want to be alone right now, but this is the only place where no one will think to look for me. I hope you don’t mind.”

Bucky just shakes his head. He doesn’t mind; he likes Wanda. He first met her when they were getting the worst of the triggers out of his head. She’d been a calm, peaceful presence using her abilities, ones he’d later learned were also given to her by Hydra, to help make the process as painless as possible.

“Thank you,” she says as she curls up in a soft chair in the corner.

They sit like that for a while before she breaks the silence. “It’s not fair.”

Bucky huffs a laugh. “Life isn’t fair.”

“I know. But… why do _they_ get everyone they love back? Why do _they_ get to be happy, while we don’t?”

Bucky sits up. “They weren’t able to save Vision?”

She looks down at her hands. “No. It was decided, in the interest of the future safety of the universe, that the best course of action was to destroy the stones. Including the one that made Vision who he was.”

“I’m so sorry.”

She looks back up and gives him a watery smile. “Me too, about Steve. I know how close the two of you were. He loved you. I saw it in his face every time he talked to you.”

“I know he did,” Bucky nods. “He always made a point to tell me, after Siberia. He said he’d lost me too many times, so he never wanted to regret not saying it.” He closes his eyes for a second, trying to hold back a fresh wave of grief. “Do you know, we didn’t get a chance to talk to each other, the last time?”

“I didn’t, but I’m not surprised. It was all moving so fast.”

He’s quiet for a couple more minutes before he finds the will to say, “I don’t know how to do this.”

“Do what?”

“Live without Steve. It’s so stupid, but I’ve never had to. Not really. Outside of my time with Hydra of course. Even when I was on the run, part of me knew he was out there, even though I didn’t exactly know _who_ he was sometimes. And now, I don’t know how to do this. Funny part is, there were so many times, when we were kids, that he was so sick we all thought he would die. But he always managed to pull through. I think at some point, I started to think he really was invincible. I mean, not even crashing a plane into the Arctic could kill him.”

Wanda stood and walked to the bed. “May I? You look like you need a hug.”

Bucky nods and sits up. She lays next to him and curls into his side, wrapping her arms around his waist. In a lot of ways, she reminds him of his younger sister, Becca. Whenever she was upset, she’d curl up next to him just like this. He gently lays an arm across her shoulders, and she cuddles closer.

“I miss Pietro. He was always there with me. Through the bombs and what Hydra did to us, he was there. When Hydra did what they did, I could even _feel_ him. He was a constant presence in the back of my mind. Then, he wasn’t.” She pauses for a moment, cuddling closer, Bucky tightening his hold on her a little in encouragement. She takes a deep breath and continues. “It was _so hard_ , dealing with that empty space where he used to be.

“But Steve, he helped me. He gave me a purpose, with the Avengers, but he also… he understood. For a long time, I thought he was like me, missing a brother. But, anyway, he helped me. I don’t know if I would be where I am, _who_ I am, without him. Part of me wonders if I would have given in to that desire for revenge again.”

Bucky huffs a laugh. “You know, if you’d’ve told me before that Steve would be a calming influence in someone’s life, I wouldn’t have believed it. But... that’s who he became, isn’t it?”

“He still had that fire, though. Especially when it came to you. Before that, I don’t think I’d ever seen him so… invested in anything.” She sits up a little, in order to face him, voice earnest like she wants her words to really get through to him. “ _You_ brought it out in him. Like he brought the joy out in you. He wouldn’t want you to lose that.”

Bucky sighs. “I know. But, I don’t know if I _can_ feel like that. Not without him.”

“You can. It will take time, but you can. And, if you want, I’ll be here. We all will be. We love Steve, and we love you as well.”

“Thank you, Wanda. Really. Thank you.”

“Thank you. For letting me be here. I didn’t want to be alone, but I couldn’t be around them. They’re too happy, and they look at me with this… _pity_ that I can’t handle right now.”

Bucky nods. “You’re safe from pity here.”

After that, they just sit in silence and shared grief until, somehow, they both drift off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

The next few days go by in a blur. Arrangements are made and somehow, despite still being a wanted fugitive, he’s allowed into the States for the funeral. Though, maybe none of that matters anymore. Or maybe this is a one-time thing, given he is Steve’s only real family left. He wasn’t sure, and honestly, he doesn’t exactly care. 

New York— hell, the United States— it holds nothing for him now. The one person that tied him to this place is gone. He’s not sure where he’ll go next. Possibly back to Wakanda, if their offer of safety is still good. If not, he’ll figure it out later.

The one thing he requests is for a Catholic priest to preside over the service. He’s not sure, if he’d left them to their own devices, that they would have done that. He saw Steve’s dog tags during the war, how they were marked with a _P_ instead of a _C_ like his own. A long lost part of him still burns about that, how they tried to erase everything that made Steve _Steve_. 

Thankfully, it's a quiet service. No pomp and circumstance, just friends, the people closest to Steve in this new life. The most surprising mourner present is Stark. He stays at the back, not causing a fuss or a scene, but his presence is still one that manages to stick out. 

Once the casket is lowered and the dirt thrown on, Stark even offers for everyone to go back to Avengers compound upstate. It's something that surprises the others, though clearly not as much as Bucky accepting the invitation. 

He’s not sure what happened between them, while they were trying to save the universe, but clearly, something _had_ happened. Or maybe Stark just feels guilty about Steve dying. Either way, Bucky knows an olive branch when he sees it, and he’s not too proud to snub it.

Walking into the compound, he feels on edge. He knows this isn’t a trap, that he’s safe. There will always be a small part of him waiting for the other shoe to drop, though. That maybe this time, it _is_ a trap. He takes a deep, calming breath. Wanda, standing by his side, gives his arm a gentle squeeze that helps ground him.

Once they’re all gathered into what looks like a club, with couches and pool tables and even a bar of all things, Stark clears his throat and starts to speak. “Thank you all for coming here. I… I know we’ve all had our differences over the past couple years. I know a good chunk of that is my fault, and I’m sorry for that. But, we’re here to honor a fallen friend. Someone who, for better or worse, always tried to do the right thing. And it’s thanks to him that we’re all here. Right now. And that we have this second chance to come back together. Maybe even make a real change. But that’s for later. For now, just relax. Steve… he would want us to be together at a time like this.”

Then he’s off, saying something about food or drinks, Bucky can’t be sure. He wanders over to an empty couch and sits, not really knowing what to do with himself. So many times growing up, he thought he’d be here, sitting on someone’s couch while they mourn Steve. But not like this. 

“Hey James,” Natalia greets as she sits next to him. “How’re you holding up?”

He shrugs. What can he say? _The love of my life is gone and I just buried an empty coffin, how are you today?_

“I figured,” she nods. “Can I talk to you for a minute? Privately?”

He looks at her with a raised eyebrow, but nods, standing to join her wherever it is she wants to talk to him. 

It turns out to be on the rooftop, which features a garden. Normally, he’d appreciate the scenery. He’s come to love nature, thanks to the farm he worked in Wakanda. Today, though, it just looks dull and devoid of color.

“So, what is it,” he asks as he turns to Natalia.

“I… I was with Steve, before the end. He wanted me to give you a message. He’s sorry—”

Bucky scoffs. “I don’t need to know that. If he was sorry—”

“You gonna let me finish?”

Bucky takes a deep breath. “Sorry. Continue.”

“He’s sorry he didn’t get a chance to say this in person, but this was his choice. Once, long ago, someone asked him to respect the choices you made. He wants you to do the same. Also, he loves you, but I get the feeling you already knew that.”

“Damn it, Steve,” he sobs out. Not once since he’d found out about Steve has he cried. Now though, the tears come. He turns, not wanting Natalia to see. 

Still, he feels a soft touch on his shoulder. “For what it’s worth, James, I’m sorry. I tried to stop him, but he wouldn’t listen.”

“Sounds like Steve,” he says with a sniff. “Once he got an idea in his head, I don’t think God himself would dissuade him.”

“You have a point,” she says with a small smile. “I’m gonna go back inside. You wanna stay out here?”

“Nah. Don’t wanna make Stark nervous.”

She nods. “Okay. And, for what it’s worth, Tony meant what he said.”

Bucky just nods. 

When they walk back inside, food is already laid out, with everyone serving themselves. Natalia walks over and touches Clint on the arm before going for a plate. Bucky just goes back to the couch. He’s not hungry. He’s not sure he’ll ever be hungry again.

Before he has a chance to really settle in, the last person he expected to approach him, in fact, does.

“Um… Bucky, can I call you Bucky? I know Nat calls you James, but no one else does so I’m not sure if that’s a thing between the two of you or…”

“Bucky is fine, St… Tony. Is Tony okay?”

“Tony is okay. It’s my name after all. Anyway, can I speak to you? Alone?”

Bucky almost wants to make a quip about being popular today, but he holds it back. Instead, he stands and motions for S… _Tony_ to lead the way.

This time, he’s led to what appears to be an empty meeting room. Tony motions him in, and he takes one of the seats. Bucky, though, opts to stand. He’s not sure he’s comfortable enough to sit one on one with Tony, not quite yet.

“So.” Tony clears his throat. “I owe you an apology.”

“What?” Of all the things he expected him to say, that wasn’t even on the list.

“I owe you an apology. For what happened before. I….” He sighs and picks up one of the pens someone must have left, absentmindedly twirling it with his hands. “I’ve been recently told I use other people as a crutch for explanations for my own actions, and I’m really, really trying not to. I fucked up. I was emotional, and I overreacted. Way overreacted. So I’m sorry. For what I said, and what I did.”

He just looks at Tony, not sure what to say. 

“And, hey, I don’t expect forgiveness, don’t worry. Especially not right now. To be completely honest, when you found out what Steve did, I thought you would resent me.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because it wasn’t me who made the choice. I could have done it, but instead, Steve did.”

“From what Natalia told me, Steve had it in his head that he should be the one to do it.”

“Yeah, that’s true. Still, thank you for not taking my head off.”

Bucky shakes his head. “If we’re being honest here, I’m surprised you came to the funeral, much less invited us into your home.”

“Despite our many differences, Steve was a friend. I care… _cared_ about him. He was a stubborn son of a bitch, and too noble for his own good, but he was a friend.”

“Did… did you have a chance to talk? Sort things out before he…?”

“We did. Not very long, and it wasn’t the deep, soul-searching conversation we probably needed to have, but we did. And we forgave each other.”

“Good. I know, for his part, Steve had his regrets. I’m glad he was able to talk to you.”

“He also explained to me why he went so… crazy protective of you. I had no idea about the two of you. It certainly explains a lot, knowing what I know now. If it had been me and Pepper in your place— well, I probably would have done the same. No. I would have done worse. I would’ve torn the whole world apart to keep her safe.”

Bucky nods. “Thank you. For hosting everything. You’re right; he would want us to be together. He thought of all of you as family. He’d appreciate it.”

Tony looks away, but Bucky sees his eyes get watery before he finishes turning turns. He gets it— he hates people seeing him cry, too. “Good. I’m glad. Anyway, there’s food, if you’re hungry. Steve was Irish, right? He’d probably appreciate a good Irish wake. If that’s okay with you?”

“Oh, he’d hate every second of it if he was forced to attend. But you’re right, I think he’d like that.”

“Good. In that case, I’m gonna get the party started now that I have your blessing. You’re welcome to stay in here until you feel ready to join us. I know it’s been a tough day for you.” Tony stands, pocketing the pen as he makes for the door.

“Thank you,” he says as Tony walks out. He’s met with a small wave in response.

He’s glad he’s able to take a few minutes alone. He’s not sure he’s had a real moment to himself since he found out about Steve. He knows why; he gets it. They’re all worried about him, after all. But still, it's nice to have a second to himself to just breathe. 

He knows he can’t hide forever, as much as he wants to, so eventually he braces himself and rejoins the others. Tony’s put some music on, nothing too loud or obnoxious like he was expecting, nor anything from the 1930s. It sounds like contemporary jazz, something Bucky knows Steve liked to listen to when he needed to relax.

The others also approach him, starting with Sam, to give their condolences. He doesn’t know how he keeps it together without crying again, but he manages it.

Tony’s extended his hospitality for as long as they want to stay. Bucky, not having anywhere else to go, agrees, and Tony puts him in what was once Steve’s rooms. 

His plan is to stay for as long as it takes for the grave marker to be placed. The process takes a couple weeks at minimum, but a rush order was placed, and it should be ready by the end of the week. Bucky thinks he can handle being in the home of the man whose parents he killed for that long.

 

* * *

 

He goes to the cemetery by himself, taking one of Steve bikes that Tony never bothered to get rid of. He goes early in the morning when no one else is likely to be around. He needs to be alone to do this. 

True to Tony’s word, the small marker is in place, right next to markers for his mom and dad, which Steve had replaced when he first came out of the ice.

For a few long moments, he just stands there. Finally, he walks over. Before he sits, he places a flower at Sarah’s grave. It wouldn’t feel right to be here and not pay respects to the woman he’d always thought of as a second mother. Then, he takes a deep breath and sits. He feels ridiculous for a second, knowing Steve isn’t really there. But this is the closest he’s got.

“Hey, Stevie. So, here we are. You know, I had hope that it wouldn’t end like this. You died way too young, and left me here, all alone. After the serum, I thought this was a thing of the past. I thought… I thought you’d actually get to live. Maybe even survive all of your damn hare-brained schemes. 

“But, as always, the second I’m out of your sight you get yourself into trouble. Damn it, Steve. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. We were supposed to be _happy_.” His voice catches, and he tries to clear his throat to continue. “We finally had a chance, a real chance. But you had to go and play the damn hero, yet again. There had to have been another way. For once— _for once Steve_ — you didn’t have to be the fucking martyr. You could have let someone else fall on that grenade. You _should have._ ” He’s practically yelling at this point, so he stops to take a deep breath before continuing. 

“That wouldn’t have been you though, would it,” he sniffs. He hadn’t even realized he’d started crying. He wipes at his face, trying in vain to scrub the tears away, but more keep coming. “You wouldn’t have been happy. The worst fucking part of all of this? It’s why I fell in love with you. Your determination to do the right thing, no matter the cost to you.

“I hope, wherever you are, you’re happy. You’re at peace. Maybe one day I’ll get to join you, if there is a kind god out there.

“But, until then, I’ll live. I know that's what you wanted. I know I broke your heart, hiding away from the world for so long. And I’m not saying I’m ready. Not yet, especially not now. But I’m going to try. That will be my promise to you. I won’t let any of this be in vain.”

He sits in silence for a while, letting the sounds of nature wash over him, a rare sound in the otherwise noisy, bustling city. It's not until the sun is almost overhead that he finally feels ready to leave.

He leans down and presses a kiss to the marker. “I love you, Stevie. I’ll always love you.”

 

* * *

 

He’s back at the compound, packing up the last of his things to fly back to Wakanda when he hears a knock on the door. “Come in,” he calls, more focused on making sure he’s not forgetting anything.

“Bucky, do you have a moment?” Tony asks as he stands at the doorway.

“Sure, come on in.”

“I know you’re about to leave, and I won’t hold you up. I just wanted to give you something.”

“What?”

Tony steps fully into the room, and Bucky’s eyes go straight to the shield in his hand.

“No.”

“Steve wanted you to have it.”

“What? He said that?”

“Well… no. Not exactly. But I know he did. I think… I think you’re the only one who _should_ have the shield. You don’t have to do anything with it, but just take it.”

Bucky stares at it. He should resent the thing. Part of him does. It represents everything that took Steve from him. 

But Steve also used it to protect others, something he’d done his whole life. Maybe… maybe Tony is right. He’s not Steve, and he might not be worthy of something like this, but he wants to be. He wants to live up to Steve’s legacy.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay. I’ll take it. I might even do something with it someday.”

“Okay. If you do, give me a call. The Avengers… well, it won’t be the same without Steve, but we might still be able to do some good.”

Bucky nods. “I’ll think about it. Hey, Tony?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you. For everything.”

Tony nods, uncharacteristically quiet for once, then leaves Bucky to finish.

He tests the weight of the shield on his left arm. It should feel silly, wearing a shield on his left arm given that it’s practically a shield itself, but it doesn’t. It feels _right_. He can do this. He’ll never fill Steve’s shoes, that would be impossible. But this? This he can do. 

He packs up the last of his stuff, hefts the bag on his shoulder, and puts the shield on his arm. He’s not sure what’s going to come next for him, but he’s ready for it. He’s ready to start living again.

**Author's Note:**

> On a personal note, this was somewhat cathartic to write. I've lost a lot of people who I loved, and learning to go on without them was and is one of the most difficult things I've had to learn. Like Bucky, I had to make that choice, and I still do every day.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Let me know what you thought, if you want? And either way, I hope you have a good rest of 2018, and your 2019 is filled with only good and happy things. <3


End file.
